Hello children. I am Professor Threepointerstons, but you can call me Professor Threebombs. If you're wondering why I'm wearing this checkered hat and smoking a pipe, it's to attract intelligent women. For I am a professor of three-pointing.
There's nothing more special to Professor Threepointerstons than teaching other non-professors how to three-point. It's simple, really. In fact, I've authored a pamphlet entitled Professor Threepointerstons Guide to Three-Pointing: It's Simple, Really. This seven page pamphlet covers all the ins and outs of three-pointing, but mostly the outs since this is an outside shot which we are discussing. If you're interested in three-pointing, you probably already knew that, but I digress.
Anyhow the key to my three-pointing system is a revolutionary checklist designed to make three-pointing as easy as eggs. The system, dubbed "Professor Threepointerstons Three-Pointing System," is a simple eleven step process that must be executed in its entirety before shooting a three-point field goal. The steps are as follows:
- Receive the basketball.
- Mentally compliment the basketball on its roundness and smooth leather. This makes the ball want to help you out since you were so nice to it.
- Briefly consider each and every basketball shot that you have made since you learned the flex offense (generally grade six).
- Assess which of these shots made you the happiest. Choose only one and be specific.
- Mentally compliment yourself on how happy that shot made you.
- Remember the BEEF process (balance/eyes/elbow/follow-through).
- Remember the last time you ate a meal that featured beef, to relax your mind for the three-pointing.
- Begin the BEEF process by gaining your balance.
- Focus on the rim. Possibly mentally compliment the rim so it does not get jealous of the basketball.
- Ensure that your elbow is directly under the basketball that you will be three-pointing.
- Shoot the basketball, holding your follow-through, while sending all of your good intentions to both the rim and the basketball that you have three-pointed.
It's that easy. This sequence should take no longer than 13 nanoseconds, and if it does, it is recommended that the shot be reconsidered*. Nonetheless, this simple guide to three-pointing should serve as the basis for your three-point shot. The system is a proven success. After all they don't give out doctorates in three-pointing to just anyone.
*This is covered in my advanced text Professor Threepointerstons Advanced Three-Pointing: Making Three Points Happen to You.
*This is covered in my advanced text Professor Threepointerstons Advanced Three-Pointing: Making Three Points Happen to You.
