funny alcohol quotes

We didn't starve, but we didn't eat chicken unless we were sick, or the chicken was. ~Bernard Malamud



How idiotic civilization is! Why be given a body if you have to keep it shut up in a case like a rare, rare fiddle? ~Katherine Mansfield, Bliss and Other Stories



Souls wouldn't wear suits and ties, they'd wear blue jeans and sit cross-legged with a glass of red wine. ~Carrie Latet



I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it. ~Lyndon B. Johnson



What I've learned is that life is too short and movies are too long. ~Denis Leary



There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labor. ~Ecclesiastes 2:24



So long as God reveals Himself, or doesn't, He is behaving like God. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960



The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. ~B.F. Skinner, Contingencies of Reinforcement, 1969



A human life is a story told by God. ~Hans Christian Andersen



If I might comprehend Jesus Christ, I could not believe on Him. He would be no greater than myself. Such is my consciousness of sin and inability that I must have a superhuman Saviour. ~Daniel Webster



Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is bound up with hatred, jealousy, boastfulness, disregard of all rules and sadistic pleasure in witnessing violence: in other words, it is war minus the shooting... there are quite enough real causes of trouble already, and we need not add to them by encouraging young men to kick each other on the shins amid the roars of infuriated spectators. ~George Orwell



Never write a letter if you can help it, and never destroy one! ~John A. MacDonald



Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ~Oscar Wilde



Vegetarianism can easily reach religious proportions. Refraining from meat on moral grounds serves to dignify feelings of guilt toward sad-eyed, furry creatures and substitutes righteousness for squeamishness. ~Bill Griffith, Griffith Observatory comic strip, 1977



Faith is like radar that sees through the fog. ~Corrie Ten Boom, Tramp for the Lord



I figured out Karl Rove's political strategy - make gas so expensive, no Democrats can afford to go to the polls. ~John Kerry



Many are saved from sin by being so inept at it. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960



There are two ways of spreading light - to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. ~Edith Wharton, Vesalius in Zante



Short A: I respect your privacy, please read the long answer as well.



In the realist you have the sorry sight of the five senses deprived of their imagination. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com