funny quotes

If I were not an atheist, I would believe in a God who would choose to save people on the basis of the totality of their lives and not the pattern of their words. I think he would prefer an honest and righteous atheist to a TV preacher whose every word is God, God, God, and whose every deed is foul, foul, foul. ~Isaac Asimov, I. Asimov: A Memoir



If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and "righty-tighty, lefty-loosey." ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts and no one to thank. ~Christina Rossetti



In old age we are like a batch of letters that someone has sent. We are no longer in the passing, we have arrived. ~Knut Hamsun



Whoso diggeth a pit shall fall therein. ~Proverb



Blessed is the person who is too busy to worry in the daytime and too sleepy to worry at night. ~Author Unknown



The sound of a car door opening in front of you is similar to the sound of a gun being cocked. ~Amy Webster



God enters by a private door into each individual. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson



For centuries, man believed that the sun revolves around the earth. Centuries later, he still thinks that time moves clockwise. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves. ~Will and Ariel Durant



America is a mistake, a giant mistake. ~Sigmund Freud



Success is a ladder you cannot climb with your hands in your pockets. ~American Proverb



As I like to say to the people in Montgomery: "The tension in this city is not between white people and Negro people. The tension is, at bottom, between justice and injustice, between the forces of light and the forces of darkness." ~Martin Luther King, Jr.



All the statistics in the world can't measure the warmth of a smile. ~Chris Hart



The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word, and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had. ~Author Unknown



Mankind is a great, an immense family. This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas. ~Pope John XXIII



The things we hate about ourselves aren't more real than things we like about ourselves. ~Ellen Goodman



Anyone who ever gave you confidence, you owe them a lot. ~Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany's, 1958, spoken by the character Holly Golightly



Almost every wise saying has an opposite one, no less wise, to balance it. ~Santayana, Essays



A memory is what is left when something happens and does not completely unhappen. ~Edward de Bono