teamwork quotes funny

I am not impressed by the Ivy League establishments. Of course they graduate the best - it's all they'll take, leaving to others the problem of educating the country. They will give you an education the way the banks will give you money - provided you can prove to their satisfaction that you don't need it. ~Peter DeVries



You're only as young as the last time you changed your mind. ~Timothy Leary



I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. ~Joe Walsh



Feminism directly confronts the idea that one person or set of people has the right to impose definitions of reality on others. ~Liz Stanley and Sue Wise



Your religion is what you do when the sermon is over. ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.



Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. ~Stephen Butler Leacock, quoted in Michael Jackman, Crown's Book of Political Quotations, 1982



Any fool can count the seeds in an apple. Only God can count all the apples in one seed. ~Robert H. Schuller



People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them. ~George Bernard Shaw



There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labor. ~Ecclesiastes 2:24



You will find that if you really try to be a father, your child will meet you halfway. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



There is no failure except in no longer trying. ~Elbert Hubbard



Unless one decorates one's house for oneself alone, best leave it bare, for other people are walleyed. ~D.H. Lawrence



This is the excellent foppery of the world, that when we are sick in fortune (often the surfeits of our own behaviour) we make guilty of our disasters the sun, the moon, and stars: as if we were villains on necessity; fools by heavenly compulsion; knaves, thieves, and treacherous by spherical predominance; drunkards, liars, and adulterers by an enforced obedience of planetary influence; and all that we are evil in, by a divine thrusting on. An admirable evasion of whoremaster man, to lay his goatish disposition on the charge of a star! ~William Shakespeare



Your problem is you're... too busy holding onto your unworthiness. ~Ram Dass



If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it. ~Earl Wilson



For the happiest life, rigorously plan your days, leave your nights open to chance. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966



He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice. ~Albert Einstein



Tomorrow - your reward for working safely today. ~Author Unknown



I don't think the discus will ever attract any interest until they let us start throwing them at one another. ~Al Oerter



The power of quotation is as dreadful a weapon as any which the human intellect can forge. ~John Jay Chapman