The trading deadline is past. Barry isn't hitting homers. A-Rod isn't hitting homers. Tom Glavine isn't winning. What is there left to talk about? I know; if today's celeb bikini beach crew were baseball players, who would they be?
Brooke Hogan = Barry Bonds
Lets compare Brooke Hogan and Barry Bonds...artificially enhanced? Check and Check. Looks like a man? Check and Check. Famous fathers? Check and Check. Steroids coursing through their veins? Check and Check. (Poor Brooke was born with em)
Cindy Crawford = Roger Clemens
Now this is how you would want to look when you are in your 40's. No, not like Clemens, like Cindy. Do you realize that she is 41 years old? Good grief. The Rocket is the only major leauger that is throwing heat equal to Cindy's at such an advanced age.
Britney Spears = Barry Zito
Isn't it a shame to see a once promising career go down in flames? This duo has gone from winning Grammys and Cy Youngs to losing hair and baseball games. Even though Zito's fastball has fallen into the 80's, Britney's hotness factor has fallen even lower.
Lindsay Lohan = Elijah Dukes
Both Lohan and Dukes seem to have all the right tools. Potential. Perfect physiques. Power. Too bad they also have something else in common; breaking the law. Between Lindsay's DUIs and Elijah's myriad of troubles, we may not see much of either of them except for on cable news gossip shows. (Interesting note; The picture for this one, with no cropping of my own, came out to exactly 666 pixels in width. I'm not sayin...I'm just sayin.)
Hayden Panettiere = Hanley Ramirez
They're both young. They're both sleek. They're both poised to become huge stars within the next year or two. And they both one of them looks great in bikinis.
Hillary Duff = Pittsburgh Pirates
Hillary sees all of the attention that Lindsay, Hayden, and Paris get for romping around in bikinis, so she decided to give it a try. When she does it though...it is just a little awkward. Kind of like how the Pirates wanted to feel like the Yankees and Red Sox for a day, so they went out and traded for a big money player in Matt Morriss. It is just that when the Pirates try to spend money, they do it awkwardly.
Paris Hilton = Alex Rodriguez
People will say that Paris and Alex are both spoiled rich, which is probably true. In their defense however, they are both extremely good at what they do. A-Rod is the best player in the majors right now and Paris does her best giving Fox News something to thumb their nose at every night. They also both have embarrassing incidents in their past, Paris with her sex tape and Alex with his Toronto stripper.
*As always, feel free to leave more suggestions in the comments, and I will update as needed.
UPDATE:
Lauren Conrad = Ernie Banks
Anonymous said...
"I would put LC from the Hills together with Ernie Banks...both are/were perpetually with a loser."
Tara Reid = Pat Burrell
Anonymous said...
"5 Years ago you would've done anything to meet Tara or have Burrell on your team, but now they are used up shells of what they once were and you just wish they'd take there old saggy bodies and go into hiding!"
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