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Showing posts with label Zach Randolph. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Zach Randolph. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Zach Randolph's Classic Basketball Pranks

It's widely known that professional athletes love to play pranks on each other. In baseball, one of your teammates will set your foot on fire and call it a "hot foot." In football, rookies are often duct taped to goalposts then left to starve in the hot sun. In hockey, it's a rite of passage to have your jugular slashed by a rusty skate in a little joke called "icing." It's all in the game, and it's super fun because most of the time, no one dies.

Basketball is a little different. Since there isn't a ton of extra equipment, pranks generally involve making rookies carry bags or wear pink. But one man has changed all that. One man has the know-how, and the elbow grease, to invent classic pranks. That man is Zach Randolph.

seems like a chill bro

Here are a few of the now legendary pranks that Zach Randolph has pulled in his NBA career:

The Post Up

During his second season with the Blazers convinced his teammate, Chris Dudley, that he needed a defender to work against in the post. Randolph then posted up Dudley, spun and threw in a left-handed hook shot. The next time, rather than spinning and shooting, he slapped Dudley in the face as hard as he could. Hilarious!

The Ball Handling Drill

After being traded to the New York Knicks, Randolph arrived early to practice and found David Lee working on his jump shot. Randolph offered to show Lee some perimeter moves, which Lee gladly accepted. Randolph dribbled between his legs twice, stood up, slapped Lee in the face, kicked him in the genitals, then threw the ball off his back, collected it and laid it in while yelling "AND 1!!" Gotcha!

The Slap

This is one of Randolph's favorite pranks, and he has used it throughout his career. Basically, he just slaps whoever is closest to him in the face, without warning. Pretty effective!

The Upper Decker

Many thought that Randolph's pranking days had passed following his trade to the Clippers. DeAndre Jordan found out that wasn't so. His first day reporting to the Clippers, Randolph brought a duffel bag full of semi-poisonous snakes, which he used to fill the top shelf of Jordan's locker. When Jordan opened the locker and the snakes started hissing, he ran frightened. When he asked who put the snakes there, Randolph slapped him in the face and said, "Nice snakes." Burned!

The Grizzlie

Upon arriving to Grizzlies training camp this summer, Randolph brought with him a heavily sedated brown bear. As coach Lionel Hollins gave his opening remarks, Randolph stabbed the bear, skinned it, and slapped it in the face for good measure. Symbolic!

Friday, September 5, 2008

Zach Randolph Calls Darrell Arthur


phone rings

Darrell Arthur: solemnly Hello.

Zach Randolph: Yo, this Darrell Arthur?

DA: Yes.

ZR: The Darrell Arthur from Kansas?

DA: Yes.

ZR: The Darrell Arthur who now plays for the Memphis Grizzlies?

DA: Yes.

ZR: In Memphis?

DA: Yes.

ZR: For the Grizzlies?

DA: Yes.

ZR: The Darrell Arthur who got busted with the Terrific Twosome at the Rookie thing?

DA: What's the terrific twosome?

ZR: Weed and women, ya big dummy. Oh, and it's capitalized.

DA: Okay.

ZR: So are is it true?

DA: Unfortunately, yes.

ZR: Perfect. I'm coming to Memphis.


Thursday, June 28, 2007

NBA Draft: Trade Breakdown


Heading into the NBA Draft last night the media had prepared America for a night full of big name players being traded, and that is exactly what happened. The twist though, was that the three big name players that changed teams last night were not Shawn Marion, Kevin Garnett, and Jermaine O'Neal. Instead Ray Allen, Zach Randolph, and Jason Richardson were sent packing. Here is a look at each of the three big deals and how they work out for each of the teams involved:

Trade#1
Seatle Receives: Delonte West, Wally Szczerbiak, and the #5 pick, Jeff Green
Boston Receives: Ray Allen and the #35 pick, Glen Davis
What Gives?: From Seattle's perspective this trade means one thing; Sam Presti and Sonics management want Rashard Lewis more than they want Ray Allen. The trade of Allen opens the door for Lewis to sign with the Sonics during free agency, and with new weapons Kevin Durant and Jeff Green Seattle could be downright fearsome in the next few seasons. Green would be the perfect complement to Durant and Lewis, as he is a player that can make a big impact on the game without taking shots. Green's top notch passing skills will allow Durant and Lewis to quite possibly become the most potent scoring duo in the NBA. I don't really like this trade as much for Boston. The Celtics have already tried pairing Paul Pierce with a high scoring shooter in Antoine Walker, and that duo was never able to get Boston over the hump. I would be afraid that adding Allen's shots to Pierce's might stunt the progress of Al Jefferson, especially since the Celtics had to give up Delonte West who might have been able to keep Jefferson involved in the offense in spite of the 40 shots a night that the Celtics' two stars will require. I thing if Ainge had stayed at #5 and picked a post player to compliment Jefferson (Yi Jianlian? Brandan Wright?) the Celtics would have been much better off in the long run.

Trade #2
Portland Receives: Steve Francis and Channing Frye
New York Receives:Zach Randolph, Dan Dickau, and Fred Jones
What Gives?: From a pure player value perspective Portland got killed in this trade. The benefits of this move for Portland are not in the actual players received however, as the key word for them in this trade is flexibility. Everyone on the planet knew that with Greg Oden coming to town to join LaMarcus Aldridge in the Blazers' frontcourt that Randolph and the four years remaining on his contract were going to be heading out of Portland. Letting go of Randolph in and of itself will free the Blazers' two newest big men to get the appropriate amount of playing time to develop. The deal also grants Portland a great amount of salary cap flexibility as Steve Francis' contract has only two years remaining as compared to the four remaining on Randolph's. The summer that Francis' contract expires coincides with the expiration of Raef LaFrentz's contract, meaning that the Blazers will clear $30 million of contracts off the books after the 2009-2010 season. That kind of cap room is going to give the Blazers the ability to bring in pretty much any free agent they could desire. Who wouldn't want the chance to play with Oden? And as an added bonus, Channing Frye is a great third man for Portland's frontcourt rotation. From the Knick's perspective this trade is fantastic. Pairing Randolph with Eddy Curry? In the East? For only the price of Channing Frye and Steve Francis' terrible contract? Wow. I have not liked a lot of the moves made by Isaiah Thomas in the past, but this one certainly looks like a winner. Curry and Randolph automatically become the most feared frontcourt duo in the East, hands down. Not only that, they are both young and signed through the next four years. This move just might be the one that finally turns the Knicks around. Dickau and Jones are each in the final years of their contracts, so they are essentially throwaways in this trade.

UPDATE: Are the Blazers going after Shawn Marion now? Check here for the latest.

Trade #3
Charlotte Receives: Jason Richardson and the #36 pick, Jermareo Davidson
Golden State Receives: The #8 pick, Brandan Wright
What Gives?: Chris Mullin may not have often gotten the best of Michael Jordan during their playing days, but Mullin completely ate Jordan's lunch on this deal. Let me put it this way; if Golden State could have dumped Richardson in exchange for a 2nd rounder this still would have been a good deal in a lot of ways. Richardson was not performing to the value of his contract, which has 4 years and over $50 million remaining on it. That is certainly not the kind of money you want to pay to a player that just finished a season where he only averaged 16 points per game. Getting rid of Richardson also shows a commitment by the Warriors to Monta Ellis, who will now have an opportunity to show that his breakout season of last year was no fluke. Without Richardson on board the Warriors will also likely be able to re-sign Matt Barnes. So Golden State in one swift move was able to ditch an overpaid player, give an emerging star a bigger role on their team, and give themselves the ability to keep one of their key role players. Oh, and there is also the fact that they also received a prospect that many people had rated as being perhaps the third best prospect in the entire draft in Brandan Wright, a lanky and athletic power forward that will fit perfectly into their system. Are you kidding me? This trade is a massacre of the highest order. Michael Jordan just needs to hang it up as a GM; as an executive he is as dangerous to his own team as he was to his opponents as a player.

Ballhype: hype it up!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

What Happens To Zach?


Leading up to the NBA Draft there are All-Star caliber players whose futures will be signifigantly altered depending upon who their teams select. If the draft goes according to plan and Portland takes Greg Oden and Seattle takes Kevin Durant, than both Rashard Lewis and Zach Randolph will likely leave their respective teams. In Lewis' case he will just merely choose not to sign with the Sonics, but Randolph is in a much more complicated situation. There is no way that the Blazers can afford to keep Randolph and his $13+ million salary if they draft a center with a top two pick for the second consecutive year. (Portland picked LaMarcus Aldridge #2 overall last year) With both Oden and Aldridge, along with Raef LaFrentz and Joel Pryzbilla as well, Randolph will need to be moved to a different team. The question then is, where? And for who?

The "who" aspect of the equation is fairly simple. The Blazers are in desperate need of a SF. They started journeyman Ime Udoka last year, and Darius Miles is likely a non-factor after missing all of last season with microfracture surgery. Therefore the obvious move would be to ship Randolph to a team that 1.) Needs a scorer in the low post and 2.) has a dispensable SF. The following scenarios would fit those criteria:

Scenario #1
Portland Receives:
Ron Artest and John Salmons
Sacramento Receives: Zach Randolph

In this scenario the Blazers would essentially be taking a one year loan out on Artest, as he has a player option he would likely decline after next season. Salmons however, would be the real catch of the deal. Salmons is signed through the next four seasons at base salaries ranging from $4.7 million to $5.8 million which would make him a very affordable starter while Portland's young core of Roy, Aldridge, and Durant developed. On Sacramento's end the Kings would rid themselves of Artest while gaining some sorely needed rebounding and inside scoring. The Kings ranked 30th in rebounding this past season, and Randolph would certainly go a long way in improving that ranking.

Scenario #2
Portland Receives:
Andrei Kirilenko
Utah Receives: Vince Carter (sign and trade)
New Jersey Receives: Zach Randolph and Gordan Giricek

This three way deal would fill large voids for all of the teams involved. Utah has not had a solid SG in ages, and Carter would give them an elite scorer that could generate offense when the Utah offense stalls. Paul Milsap would then likely move into Kirilenko's former starting position. For New Jersey it would provide them the inside scoring threat they have been missing since Kenyon Martin left town and would also allow them to go after a SG prospect such as Rodney Stuckey or Morris Almond in the draft. From the Blazer's perspective Kirilenko would be the perfect SF for them, a player that does not need to score in order to make a big impact on the game. The trio of Oden, Aldridge, and Kirilenko would automatically become the best defensive frontcourt in the NBA.

Scenario #3
Portland Receives:
Shawn Marion
Phoenix Receives: Vince Carter (sign and trade)
New Jersey Receives: Zach Randolph and Dan Dickau

The logic here would be the same for the Nets, and for the Suns this deal would alleviate the locker room tension between Shawn Marion and Amare Stoudemire while still being able to bring in equal value in return. Carter could slide to the 3 for the Suns with Boris Diaw then starting at the 4 spot. For Portland, Marion would give them the best chance at making an early splash in the West while Roy, Aldridge, and Oden are still on their rookie contracts.

Ballhype: hype it up!